My Husband Rocks!

On June 12 we passed a huge milestone!  Gana received his Degree from Fuller Thological Seminary.  He now has a Masters of Arts in Christian Leadership.  I'm so proud of him.  Not many men can balance being a husband, father of six, full-time work and seminary studies!  And Gana did it all with grace and excellence! 

Honey, I am soooooo proud of you! 

(The little kids didn't attend the graduation.  It was too long to ask them to sit through it.  But, we all celebrated with Daddy at home.)

More pictures of Citizenship Day!

My mom, Lady Dorothy, just blogged more pictures and highlights from the day Gana took his oath. There are some really cool pictures over there! Go check it out!

My American Husband Rocks!

Two days ago we passed a big milestone in our lives. My rockin' husband became a citizen of the United States of America! Although we have lived abroad for years and I consider Mongolia my second-home, I am very patriotic in my heart. When the National Anthem is sung I still stand up and sometimes I tear up. So, this was a very meaningful day for our family.

Taking the long walk from the car to the ceremony, rather symbolic of the long journey to citizenship.


The immigrants go in one door for clearance and guests go in another. Here is Gana walking past a check point, getting his miniature American flag.


Saraa madly waving her flag, with Mama's help as I sang "It's A Grand Ol' Flag" to her.

My mother, sister and niece were also in attendance! The ceremony, although quite brief, was very moving. First the 1,956 new Americans took their oath of allegiance. Then the judge gave a short address challenging the Americans to take their responsibilities as citizens seriously. Then the director of the INS gave a short speech. This was followed by a video of President Obama welcoming the new citizens and Lee Greenwood's "Proud To Be An American" video. Then we said the Pledge of Allegiance and sang the National Anthem. I cried during Lee Greenwood's song. Gana cried during the National Anthem. Luc cried, too.

Two Americans:

That evening we had a special dinner at the house. I didn't take a picture of all the lovely food. It's too bad because it was really beautiful food. But here is a shot after much of it was scarfed down.

Menu:

Brisket

Lavender Chardonnay Pork Tenderloin

Roast potatoes

Layered Salad

Beet, Carrot, and Gorgonzola Salad

Rolls

Sauteed Mushrooms

Dessert:

Russian cakes from a local bakery

Children's Menu:

Mac 'n' Cheese

Mini-corndogs

Popcorn

Red, White, and Blue Jello

A spirit of celebration and fellowship was in the house!

Giving a toast:

Gana said, "And now that I am done with this process, I don't need Daja anymore."

Daja said, pointing at a few of Gana's friends, "Don't you dare drink to that!"

"To the United States of America!"

The children muddled their way through dazzled us with a rendition of "America" (My Country 'Tis of Thee"), all four verses!

My husband rocks. And I was so proud of him for taking this huge step. During the toast at dinner he thanked all the Americans present and those who served in the armed forces for all that America has done for the world. He appreciates this country and our freedoms more than most natural born Americans I know. The Lord planted a love for America in his heart in recent years. In these times when it is seen as hip and indie to diss America, he consistently stands up for this country, loving it, praying for it, and believing in the American dream.

I love you, Honey! Congratulations!

Gana's Top Ten for Husbands Coaching Their Wives in Labor

The Coach's role is really important! Get out of your head (husbands and wives!) that men don't have much to do with labor.

It's really simple:

1. Be a little more sensitive than you are in your daily life.

2. Give relaxing massages...even if you have to do so for hours.

3. If you can cook, do it! (And clean up your mess.)

4. If you are smart, let your mother-in-law come help you! Sometimes a woman can do things that men cannot do--especially an older woman who has gone through all this on her own already. If your wife wants her mother, don't have your feelings hurt. Let her have her mom. This will make things easier for you and make your wife happy.

5. Be patient with the moods of your wife. Remind yourself that even she is not in control of her emotions. Be extra mindful of what she is going through. She is not trying to be unreasonable, but the process of labor does not let her be in control.

6. Labor is temporary. Whatever you have to go through, you can. It will be over soon.

7. If you are going to birth at the hospital, as a coach you MUST familiarize yourself with all the hospital procedures and possibilities. Do your homework on things like the childbirth drugs, prepping procedures, etc. If they say, "We are going to give X to your wife." Know what they are talking about (the benefits and risks!) so you can be her advocate!!! Never forget that YOU are in charge. The doctor/nurse/hospital is not in charge. They work for you and your wife and not the other way around.

8. Regardless of where you are birthing, remember that as much research and preparation as your wife has done, in labor she very well may forget what she is supposed to do. It's up to YOU to remind her--even the simple things like drinking water, going to the bathroom, relaxing, etc. Regardless of where you birth and who is attending the birth, you as the coach should know what labor will be like. Review the emotional signposts and physical sights and sounds of labor. Be familiar with what normal labor is like.

9. Especially for you first-timers: Coach, if you get a chance to rest, REST. Eat. Take a rest. Take care of yourself. You don't know how long this labor will be. So, be mindful of what you need in order to be what your wife needs.

10. Be Calm! Don't get too excited. Be calm for your wife's sake. She might feel completely out of control. She will look to you to be a steady presence to keep her focused and relaxed during labor. Be encouraging to your wife. Tell her often throughout labor (there's no such thing as too much) how great she is doing, how she's making it look easy, how you are proud of her, etc. Emotional support is as important and sometimes more important than physical support.

And if you can.....

Catch your own baby! When you are holding that baby, open your heart. Now you don't have to be calm. Now is the time to be emotional and excited.

The Pastoral Role in the Prevention and Treatment of Post-partum Depression

(As requested, here is Gana's paper on pastoral counseling and post-partum depression. By the way, he got an A.)

Introduction


In sooth, I know not why I am so sad
It wearies me; you say it wearies you
But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,
What stuff ‘tis made of, where of it is born,
I am to learn

--William Shakespeare
Merchant of Venice, I,1,II. 1-5

Many people seek the advice and counsel of a pastor when going through a depression, a despair or a dark night of the soul. A University of Michigan study found that 4 out of 10 Americans sought help from a clergy member in dealing with a personal problem. Among those who regularly attend religious services the number rose to 53%.(1) “Depression is no respector [sic] of persons. No segment of society is immune.”(2) This “common cold”(3) of mental illness is typically suspected after an emotional life event—loss of a loved one, loss of a job, a move away from family, etc. It is not always suspected after the happy events of life—such as the birth of a child. However, post-partum mood disorders, which can occur in both women and men, are surprisingly common. Sixty to eighty percent of women report experiencing “baby blues” and 20% of those women develop post-partum depression, which can develop into other mood disorders and/or become chronic.(4)

Important to the prevention, treatment and resolution of post-partum mood disorders (PPMD) from mild baby blues to full-blown depression is a supportive environment and a foundation of faith. The thesis of this paper is to show that pastoral counseling can play an important part in the post-partum weeks and months. This paper will aid pastors in identifying the basic needs of a post-partum family and suggest practical ways in which a pastor may assist them.

Because post-partum depression is many faceted springing from spiritual, psychological, physiological and emotional causes—or some combination of them all, the information presented comes from pastoral sources as well as psychology, doula training manuals,(5) as well as personal experience as a certified childbirth educator and a father of six.

Post-partum Depression in the Church

In the ideal situation, a mother and baby are never separated, allowing for optimal bonding. As Melanie Klein and Margaret Mahler emphasize, the first three months post-partum the baby is unaware that mother is other. The maternal-child bond is such that if the mother is near the baby is at peace. If the mother is apart, the baby knows instinctively that something is wrong. The mood and anxiety level of the baby can find a direct correlation with the mood and anxiety level in the mother.(6) For the woman, who is experiencing unexplained sadness after giving birth, her baby can also begin to show signs of anxiety. This can begin a desperate cycle—the mother feels sad even with her baby. This leads to feelings of guilt. Feeling like an unfit mother, the woman feels sad, which leads to guilt, and so on.

While the primary attachment for a baby is to the mother, it is clear that the secondary attachment is to the father.(7) It’s interesting to note that PPMDs can also be found in fathers. According to SadDaddy.com approximately 1,000 men per day are depressed after the birth of their babies. If both mother and father are experiencing PPMD this undermines the infant’s entire attachment and social structure. Depression therefore can cause a breakdown of the atmosphere needed to develop a child’s secure attachment. The consequences for the family and church are far reaching. John Bowlby said, “Adults who have secure attachment patterns will be able to maintain healthy functional relationships of intimacy, and maintain appropriate relationship boundaries.”(8)

Being a Christian links an individual with a larger body of believers. When one rejoices the whole rejoices. When one suffers, all suffer. No church is whole or healthy with families that are not. Peter Steinke wrote:

Shalom is a condition of well-being. It is a balance among God, human beings, and all created things. All parts are interrelated. Each part participates in the whole. Thus, if one part is denied wholeness (shalom), every other part is diminished as well….Health means all the parts are working together to maintain balance. Health means all the parts are interacting to function as a whole. Health is a continuous process, the ongoing interplay of multiple forces and conditions…The various members and subsystems of a congregation interweave, much as do the organs of the human body with the ongoing interaction of cells, blood flow, nerve endings, energy source, and waste products.(9)

Case in point, a student in my wife and my childbirth class who we will call Sue (name has been changed) was actively involved in her church. She served in the children’s ministry, in home groups and volunteered for various events. The arrival of their first child came at a difficult point in their lives. They were between jobs and in transition. In addition, the birth was very traumatic and physically painful for Sue. Soon after birth Sue began to withdraw from church and social activities as she struggled to just maintain the basic functions of feeding the baby and attending to home life. Her husband, although happy to be a dad found that the baby kept him awake much of the night. His work began to suffer. He and his wife began to quarrel more and the fun times they shared pre-baby were now few and far between. They began to resent the change the baby brought to their lives. This caused guilt and frustration for both of them.

This story, although a true case with which we worked, might belong to any number of new parents in any church. It’s very common. How can a pastor help prevent things from getting this bad or aid in healing them when they already are this bad?

The Pastor as the Spiritual Doula

“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” Isaiah 40:11

Although common in many cultures it is just recently gaining popularity in the West to have a doula. Many couples hire a helper for the labor and delivery of their babies. The doula does not act in a medical capacity the way a doctor or midwife would. Instead, she is there for support—emotional, physical, mental, and relational. Many couples are also recognizing the benefit to having a doula after birth when the round-the-clock needs of an infant and recovering woman become all-encompassing.

The word doula (“helper” in the Greek) is from the same word as the Holy Spirit in the Bible, who is called our doulos. A person can represent the Holy Spirit and be a helper to a young family, and who better than their shepherd—their pastor! The pastor often represents God (who is the true shepherd) to the congregation, the pastor is in the midst of the congregation fulfilling a variety of roles, the pastor is to seek out hurting people to help, and the pastor approaches each counseling opportunity with the aim to understand others and to help others to understand themselves.(10)

While maintaining a non-directive approach,(11) it is helpful for the pastor to keep in mind the basic needs of a post-partum couple. Renowned doula and childbirth writer, Jacqueline Kelleher gives a top-ten list which I have adapted here:

1. The mother needs physical support so she can rest.
2. The mother (and father) needs support and encouragement to establish successful breastfeeding.
3. The couple needs support for avoiding and minimizing PPMDs.
4. The couple needs information and education on how to integrate this baby into the family.
5. The couple needs information and education on infant characteristics and infant care skills.
6. The couple (especially the mother) needs someone to listen to her and to honor her birth story.
7. The couple needs a peer group—people who are not only parents, but also parents of young babies.
8. The couple needs patience.
9. The mother needs support while healing physically from birth.
10. The mother and father both need physical touch.(12)

Of course, the pastor cannot fulfill all these needs, nor should he/she try. (“The purpose of pastoral counseling is to offer something new, so that the persons within it will experience some freedom to change, to consider some new alternatives about their lives.”(13) ) However, being aware of these needs the pastor can gently offer the couple leads to resources where they can have these needs met. If the needs of a young family are recognized, the infrastructure essential to meet those needs can be built into a congregation’s unique cultural identity.

Post-partum depression is a sensitive issue in society and Christian circles. To be depressed and guilt-ridden during a happy time is sometimes seen as sin. The pastoral counselor, seen as trustworthy and capable, can offer a lot of help. In this situation, it is good when the counselor is not authoritative—if so, the authority structure of the domestic family could be compromised. Here the pastoral role is the incarnation (doula-ing)—being in the midst.(14) The doula pastor can employ active listening and non-directive counseling to help the couple arrive unscathed at the other side of the blues. Like the birth doula who mothers-the-mother with loving care and a supportive emotional presence, the doula pastor supports the couple with consistent support and faith the in couple’s innate ability to care for their child.

There are times when baby blues develop into full-blown depression and depression into other PPMDs such as post-partum panic disorder or post-partum psychosis. In such cases, a pastoral counselor should know when to refer the individual(s) for other professional help. “If a person appears to be suffering more than a mild depression or a normal grief reaction it is essential for you to have a consultation with a mental health professional such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, licensed pastoral counselor, or marriage and family therapist, to make a more extensive evaluation and discuss treatment options.”(15)

Even after referring the individual and/or couple, the role of the doula pastor is not over. Because post-partum depression can have many components and causes (such as a traumatic birth, not breastfeeding, family history, hormonal imbalance, past sexual abuse, poor diet, lack of sunshine, breakdown of communication in marriage, etc) the answer is likely to be many faceted. The individual referred will still benefit greatly from the prayers, active listening, and faith traditions the pastor and church can offer.

In conclusion, the needs of the birthing woman and her partner for emotional, physical and spiritual support do not end when they take their child home from the hospital. Where the medical establishment leaves off, the church and the doula pastor can pick up. A supportive environment such as this can prevent depression. A family’s faith can ease the guilt associated with post-partum depression and carry them through to the other side.

**************************************

(1) Andrew J. Weaver, “Depression: What Clergy Need To Know,” Currents in Theology and Mission 20 no 1 F, (1993): 5-16

(2) Dwight W Cumbee, Ph.D., “ Depression as an Ecclesiogenic Neurosis,” The Journal of Pastoral Care Vol. XXXIV, No. 4 (December 1980): 254-267

(3) Weaver, 5-16

(4)Jane Honikman, MS “I’m Listening: Responding to the Emotional Needs of Pregnant and Postpartum Women and Their Families,” (lecture from DONA International Conference, New Orleans, July 24, 2004)

(5) The word "doula" comes from the ancient Greek meaning "a woman who serves" and is now used to refer to a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period. (www.dona.org)

(6) Dr. Ron Hammer, “Pastoral Counseling” (from class lectures in CN 520), Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, California.

(7) Dr. Ron Hammer, “Pastoral Counseling” (from class lectures in CN 520), Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, California.

(8) Philip Culbertson, Caring for God’s People, (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress, 2000) 79

(9) Culbertson, 4

(10) Dr. Ron Hammer, “Pastoral Counseling” (from class lectures in CN 520), Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, California.

(11) “Limited evidence from two RCTs suggests that in the short term (immediately after treatment) non-directive counseling may improve post-natal depression compared with routine primary care. The one RCT with follow-up beyond 12 weeks found no clear longer term benefits (from 9 months to 5 years post-partum) from non-directive counseling compared with routine primary care, individual cognitive behavioral therapy, or psychodynamic therapy.” (Clinical Evidence June 2004, p. 353)

(12) Jacqueline Kelleher, CD (DONA), PCD (DONA), ICCE, “What Women Need During the Postpartum Period: A Top Ten List” (lecture presented at the DONA International Conference, San Francisco, July 25, 2003)

(13) John Patton, Pastoral Counseling: A Ministry of the Church (Nashville: Abingdon, 1983), 107

(14) CN520 Pastoral Counseling class reader, What Makes Pastoral Counseling Pastoral?

(15) Weaver, 5-16

Pastoral Counseling For Dummies

Gana is taking a class on Pastoral Counseling. He's in the process of writing a research paper on one aspect of pastoral counselling. He came across this video that is much simpler than the techniques he's being taught:

Gana's Meme

This is a different meme from the one I recently did. This one we got from Serena.




It's Gana's turn to fill it out! Conclusion: He is vastly more interesting than me!

(Bold the things you've done.)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink



02. Swam with dolphins



03. Climbed a mountain



04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (Well, no, but I sat in it.)



05. Been inside the Great Pyramid



06. Held a tarantula



07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone



08. Said "I love you" and meant it



09. Hugged a tree



10. Bungee jumped



11. Visited Paris



12. Watched a lightning storm at sea



13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise



14. Seen the Northern Lights



15. Gone to a huge sports game



16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa



17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables



18. Touched an iceberg



19. Slept under the stars



20. Changed a baby's diaper



21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon



22. Watched a meteor shower



23. Gotten drunk on champagne



24. Given more than you can afford to charity



25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope



26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment



27. Had a food fight



28. Bet on a winning horse



29. Asked out a stranger



30. Had a snowball fight



31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can



32. Held a lamb



33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a rollercoaster



35. Hit a home run



36. Danced like a fool and didn't care who was looking



37. Adopted an accent for an entire day



38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment



39. Had two hard drives for your computer



40. Visited all 50 states



41. Taken care of someone who was drunk



42. Had amazing friends



43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country



44 . Watched whales



45. Stolen a sign



46. Backpacked in Europe



47. Taken a road-trip



48. Gone rock climbing



49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach



50. Gone sky diving



51. Visited Ireland



52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love



53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them



54. Visited Japan



55. Milked a cow



56. Alphabetized your CDS



57. Pretended to be a superhero



58. Sung karaoke



59. Lounged around in bed all day



60. Played touch football



61. Gone scuba diving



62. Kissed in the rain



63. Played in the mud



64. Played in the rain



65. Gone to a drive-in theatre



66. Visited the Great Wall of China



67. Started a business



68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken



69. Toured ancient sites



70. Taken a martial arts class



71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours



72. Gotten married



73. Been in a movie



74. Crashed a party



75. Gotten divorced



76. Gone without food for 5 days



77. Made cookies from scratch



78. Won first prize in a costume contest



79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo



81. Rafted the Snake River



82. Been on a television news program as an "expert"



83. Gotten flowers for no reason (From Meg, of course!)



84. Performed on stage



85. Been to Las Vegas



86. Recorded music



87. Eaten shark



88. Kissed on the first date



89. Gone to Thailand



90. Bought a house



91. Been in a combat zone



92. Buried one/both of your parents



93. Been on a cruise ship



94. Spoken more than one language fluently



95. Performed in Rocky Horror



96. Raised children



97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour



98. Passed out cold



99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country



100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over



101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge



102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking



103. Had plastic surgery



104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived



105. Wrote articles for a large publication



106. Lost over 100 pounds

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback



108. Piloted an airplane



109. Touched a stingray



110. Broken someone's heart



111. Helped an animal give birth (Just Daja!)



112. Won money on a TV game show



113. Broken a bone



114. Gone to Africa.



115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears



116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol



117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild



118. Ridden a horse



119. Had major surgery



120. Had a snake as a pet



121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon



122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period



123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States



124. Visited all 7 continents



125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days



126. Eaten kangaroo meat



127. Eaten sushi



128. Had your picture in the newspaper



129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about



130. Gone back to school



131. Parasailed



132.Touched a cockroach



133. Eaten fried green tomatoes



134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey



135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read



136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating



137. Skipped all your school reunions



138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language



139. Been elected to public office



140. Written your own computer language

141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream



142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care (No, but I cared for my dad myself. He passed away in 1996 from Parkinson's Disease.)



143. Built your own PC from parts



144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you



145. Had a booth at a street fair



146. Dyed your hair



147. Been a DJ



148. Shaved your head (My parents shaved it when I was a kid.)



149. Caused a car accident



150. Saved someone's life (I was a lifeguard!)

My Husband Rocks--A picture is worth a thousand words

So, here are a few thousand words for you to show just how great Gana is:

The things he'll do for my causes. Here he is dressed as the KiSBY at a Birth and Baby Fair.

Comforting the baby after a rough doctor's visit.

He's writing a term paper and letting Luc "read" to him at the same time.

Let's just say Meg won't have a career as a make-up artist.

He's the expert baby-putter-to-sleeper.

Want to hear more women bragging on their men? Click here.

Katy Lin at The Great Adventure is having a My Husband Rocks Bloggy Giveaway this week. There are some great prizes, including new My Husband Rocks shirts! (I so want those!) So, visit her. Blog about your husband and win some prizes!!

"My Husband Rocks" Friday--He's my chauffeur

Hosted by The Great Adventure.

We have taken many road trips in our life together. We've been from the Central Coast of California to northern Washington two or three times. We've been to New Orleans and back in a week! This week we drove to Redding, California, which was a short trip (only 8.5 hours one way) to take our Mongolian church leaders to Bethel.




On all these trips I say, "Let me know if you want me to drive." Then I fall asleep. On our way to New Orleans a few years ago it took two days of driving. I drove about 1.5 hours.




On this trip to Redding, I slept. I listened to Catholic Radio. I talked about nothing in particular. I ate chocolate chip cookies. What did Gana do? He drove.




How he does it I have no idea! I get sleepy if it's warm outside and I have to drive to the other side of town.




I love our road trips. But, they are probably more fun for me than for Gana. Yet, he keeps taking me along, even though I'm of no help whatsoever. He must just like my company.

"My Husband Rocks" Friday--He Believes in Me!

(To participate in "My Husband Rocks" click on the button below.)

There's been all this talk lately in Christian circles (mostly conservative Christian circles) about a woman's role and male-headship, motivated by the nomination of Gov. Sarah Palin.





My husband is one of those manly men, not a bit in touch with his "feminine side." He is definitely the head of our family!





I love being a homemaker and he likes me to be one, too. I went away for a week to my parents' home and he called and asked me to come early. He missed me too much--and my cooking. I came home in five days. I missed him, too. My place is secure here in our home. And yet, he is not at all intimidated by my other gifts. He is the one who encouraged me to pursue being a pastor. He is the one who first publicly called me a pastor. He is the one who ordained me--he laid the mantle on me that was laid on him when he was ordained. He dreams things for my future that I don't have the faith for yet.





He encourages me to write. He tells others to read what I write. Sometimes random people I don't know call me for advice. They say, "Your husband told us to call you."





He believes in me.





It's so nice to rest in that. He is always cheering me on.





The Bible says that the husband is to love the wife as Christ loved the Church. It's nice to think that Jesus (along with that great cloud of witnesses) is cheering us on. Jesus is rooting for our success, encouraging us in all our gifts, and daily saying, "Greater works will you do!"





Gana does that for me, too.





My husband rocks!

Daja being ordained by Gana in 2004.

How Well Do You Know Your Husband?

Here's a fun little meme from SFO Mom's Blog. I love things that make me think and write about Gana. He's really the best.

1. Sitting in front of the tv, what's on the screen?
About four different shows which he switches back and forth from during commercials. If you watch TV with Gana be prepared to see movies, TV shows and news programs in 5 or 10 minute increments.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
If we are eating out, he does not eat salad. At home he'll choke some down because it's like a rule around here that there must be produce on your plate. At restaurants all bets are off. If it ain't fried, it ain't food.


3. What's one food he doesn't like?
Tomato Soup

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order?
We don't really go to bars. But, he would order Chinese beer or red wine.

5. Where did he go to high school?
High school number 18 in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia.


6. What size shoe does he wear?
9

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
Kids?

Seriously, though, he likes interesting rocks.


8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Hamburger


9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
Mongolian food--huurshuur, buuz, tsoivan, etc.


10. What is his favorite cereal?
He doesn't like cold cereal. It's a part of American life that he has not adjusted to. If I'm out of bread or fruit, he'll eat some corn flakes. Other cereals are out.


11. What would he never wear?
One of my brother's suits.

12. What is his favorite sports team?
I don't know that he has a favorite. Oh, wait....he does have a favorite soccer team, but I have no idea who that is.


13. Who will he vote for?
He's not allowed to vote, yet. Still not a citizen. But, he said he would never vote for Obama. One of his professors at Fuller was oozing praise for Obama because it would be so historical to have the first black president. Gana raised his hand and said, "If that's the reason, I think I'll vote for Jackie Chan." Yep, that's my husband for you. He's not afraid to speak the truth. And the class erupted in laughter--clearly getting the point.

He's also been amazed in watching this campaign at how many Americans are socialists. He didn't expect it in America. It was a rather disappointing discovery.


14. Who is his best friend?
Besides me?

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
Forget to buy him white bread, keep my desk a mess, raise my voice, drive too fast.


16. How many states has he lived in?
Only lived in California in the States. Although he has travelled to over 30 States. In Mongolia he lived mostly in Ulaanbaatar.


17. What is his heritage?
He's a REAL Mongolian.

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?
He doesn't actually care for American cake. So, I'd probably go for something like strawberry shortcake, which he likes. Otherwise I'll buy him a Russian cake from a local bakery.


19. Did he play sports in high school?
He's really athletic. He has always liked to ski, play soccer, swim and play basketball. I don't know that he played any in high school though. He did have a very short lived boxing experience in high school. And that's not because he can't fight, but because he didn't attend the practices.

20. What could he spend hours doing?
Playing X-box, sitting in Barnes and Nobles with me while we sip coffee and read magazines, playing chess.

Bring it on!

A little fun from Gana....

20

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A Reflection on "Christ and Culture" by Richard H. Niebuhr

(The following is something Gana wrote for his Christ and Culture class.)

I found this book of particular interest, especially in light of my history. I grew up in a culture that could possibly create a sixth stance: Culture without Christ. I had never even heard the name of Jesus or the word Christ until well after the “Peaceful Revolution” which brought down communism in Mongolia in 1991. There was not a single church in Mongolia--underground or otherwise. When missionaries came to Mongolia, I was brought to the Church out of mere curiosity (what was this strange idea of gathering together with other believers every Sunday? I had never heard of such a thing!) and later to Christ out of need--a need that when revealed actually surprised me. As a Mongolian I do not have a Christian history, nor is Christianity written into our culture. I have read that Kublai Khan (the grandson of Genghis Khan) respected the Christian faith and sent a letter to Rome asking for priests. But for reasons unknown they never arrived in Mongolia. That is the only Christian culture’ history in Mongolia.


In looking at these five types I could see myself and my journey in several of them. How I see Christ and Culture now and how I reflect on this question at this stage of my Christian walk is perhaps different than it was when I became a Christian fifteen years ago. It is perhaps different now than even five years ago. I have been through a process.


Growing up I attended Soviet schools and was mandated to attend Soviet youth camps. We were not taught about God. It’s not that we were taught religion was bad--we were taught nothing about it at all. No one had to teach us that Jesus wasn’t the Redeemer. We didn’t know who he was to begin with! There were no churches; there were only a few Buddhist temples. Traditionally, however, Mongolians were not so much Buddhist as they were shamanists. (Buddhism came to Mongolia via Tibet.) All that being said, my religious cultural understanding was very limited. On one hand the blatant disregard of religion under communism and on the other hand fear-based superstition that came with Buddhism and Shamanism.


When I came to Christ I probably adhered to “Christ Against Culture” as there was so much in my culture that did not reflect Christ. For Christians in a post-communist countries, those strict lines are often drawn, affirming “the sole authority of Christ over the Christian and resolutely rejects culture’s claims to loyalty.” My emphasis was certainly on complete loyalty to Jesus and to the local church and the utter rejection of Mongolian tradition and culture. This could be the reason why those of an older generation didn’t show equal excitement for budding Christianity. (I will interject, that as the church has grown in Mongolia much of it is that of an older generation. I think that this occurred because we moved from Christ Against Culture to more moderate stances, allowing for national/cultural traditions.) One factor that contributed to this was the reading of Russian literature, especially after the fall of communism. I was impressed that Niebuhr recognized the contributions of Tolstoy to this stance. At this point in my walk with Christ, I did not understand the power of the Spirit, not to just get us to heaven, but to bring heaven to earth. My uncle, who was a correspondent for the communist government before he retired, summed it up perfectly as he explained his unique belief and perspective to my in-laws (who come from a completely different background. They are Americans and pastors at that!): “I had to be an atheist because of communism. I was a Buddhist out of respect for my mother. But, if there is any hope for this country, it is in Christianity.”


Which brings me to where I am now. I feel I am now increasingly embracing Christ as the Transformer of Culture. I first became aware of Christ’s power to not just survive culture, but to transform it, as I saw more and more of Western Postmodern Culture changing Modern Mongolian Culture. I realized that the culture was a changing, not a stagnant, thing. In an Asian culture each one is a part of the community and must play his/her part--likened to being a part of a larger family where roles are well-defined. Therefore, one is not just observing culture, but is an agent of the culture. Culture doesn’t stand still--it is constantly evolving. If we try to hang on to it or reject it we are missing opportunities to win people to Christ!


Add to this line of thinking that in 1998 I planted a church in the capital city of Mongolia, which is becoming increasingly urbanized. Members of my church were politicians (one of whom actually helped write our constitution in the new Parliamentary Republic), actors, models, and musicians. These did not just attend on Sundays but became small group leaders--reaching out to those in their “celebrity” or “political” spheres. I started to realize that if Christ was a Savior of all it included those that held influence in society. God was not asking converts to give up their livelihoods, but to make Christ Lord of all of life and to make a difference where they were--offering others the hope of heaven and bringing heaven to earth.


It was easy post-communism to use Christianity as merely a better substitute for the law we had been under. It was as if it was difficult for me to truly grasp that Jesus did not come to bring a “new law” but to bring a period of transforming grace. “…they refer to the redeemer more than to the giver of the new law, and to God whom men encounter more than to the representative of the best spiritual resources in humanity.” I do find myself, as Niebuhr proposes, becoming more hopeful in my theology and my approach to culture.


Niebuhr asserts that the conversionist’s position rests with three theological positions relating to creation, the fall from goodness, and the view of history that all things are possible. I am still considering these three theological positions from my perspective of one in transition--between two worlds, so to speak.


I see the atoning work of Christ as reversing the curse. I believe it is possible to live above the curse in Genesis 3 and recover the “it is very good” of the first two chapters of Genesis. For a while I could not dare to believe this. I saw too much wretchedness in my youth. I stood in breadlines; fought for food to eat. I was caught up in alcoholism and violence. Even though my soul was saved in 1993, I had trouble believing that the world could actually be changed. When I prayed, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done” I saw it only as something in the eternal--something that waited for us in heaven. I neglected the next phrase: “On earth as it is in heaven.” Now I am daring to pray the whole of this prayer and to believe that Christ can transform culture.


In pondering where sin actually lies, one has to truly consider the definitions of sin and salvation. In regards to behavior, there are three areas that are perceived as sin: Biblical Absolutes, Cultural Expectations (of both church and larger society), and Personal Preferences. Often the latter two are projected as sin because of cultural conditioning, but it is only the first which can be preached as “sin.” This goes farther than mere behavior. I see sin as residing in the hearts (or liver as we say in Mongolian) of men, which manifests itself in institutions, governments, and culture. The answer is the transformed lives of individuals, which can also manifest in institutions, governments and cultures, as He takes away our heart of stone and replaces it with the heart of flesh.


I see salvation as happening in three stages: I am saved. I am being saved. I will be saved. Because Christ is the Transformer, as Christians we do not have to sin. I believe it is possible to go an entire day without sinning--but never without the possibility of sinning. I John 3:6 says, “Whoever abides in him does not sin…” and Romans 6:14 says that sin shall not have mastery over us because we are not under the law, but under grace. These verses lead me to see Christ as not just dwelling with people and culture, but more than capable of transforming it altogether! Hearts of stone becoming hearts of flesh.


“Christ is the transformer of culture…he redirects, reinvigorates, and regenerates that life of man, expressed in all human works, which in present actuality is the perverted and corrupted exercise of a fundamentally good nature; which, moreover, in its depravity lies under the curse of transiency and death, not because of external punishment has been visited upon it, but because it is intrinsically self-contradictory.”


Augustine puts it this way:
Thou, O God, sawest everything that thou hadst made, and, behold, it was very good. Yea we also see the same, and behold all things are very good….Seven times have I counted it to be written, that thou sawest that that which thou madest was good: and this is the eighth, that thou sawest everything that thou hadst made and, behold, it was not only good, but also very good, as being now altogether. For severally, they were only good; but altogether both good and very good. All beautiful bodies express the same; by reason that body consisting of members all beautiful, is far more beautiful than the same members by themselves are, by whose well-ordered blending the whole is perfected….It is one thing then for a man to think that to be ill which is good…; another, that that which is good, a man should see that it is good….and another, that when a man sees a thing that it is good, God should in him see that it is good, so namely that he should be loved in that which he made, who cannot be loved but by the Holy Ghost which he hath given…, by whom we see that whatsoever in any degree is, is good. For from him it is who himself is not in degree, but what he is, is….Let they works praise thee that we may love thee, and let us love thee that they works may praise thee.


Believing that Christ can transform culture allows us to participate in that transformation and the restoration of creation to that very good state. This can only be done in the power of the Holy Ghost. II Cor 3:8, “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

Doing Business On The Internet

Remember this story of Internet business incompetence?

I'm really beginning to wonder about the common sense in this country. Seriously.

Gana bought some auto parts online. (I won't mention the name of the company but it starts with an autopartswarehouse and ends with a dot com.) Two parts arrived in a timely manner. One part, a wall guard for a garage, came over a week later. When it arrived it was not the right one.

So, I called them. The woman said we would receive an email with return instructions and an RMA (return merchandise authorization) within 24 hours. We did not. So, a few days later I called again. I was on hold for about 30 minutes. Then they disconnected me. I called again. I got transferred to parts, then disconnected. I called again. I got transferred to sales, then disconnected. Finally I opted to email customer service.

They replied with, "Here is your RMA. Return shipping charges are your responsibility." That did not seem fair at all, being that it was not the part we had ordered. So, I emailed them back. A completely different person emailed me who was unaware that I already had an RMA and that I just wanted a return shipping label. I explained it again. Someone completely different replied, who acted unaware that I already had an RMA and just wanted a return shipping label. I emailed back. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. This goes on for a week or two.

Finally, a completely new person emailed me and said I had to provide the VIN number of my car.

I refused to provide that.

Finally I called and the person on the phone said because I purchased this part off the Internet that I assumed the risk and that the company did not pay for returning parts.

Wait a second! I replied with something to the effect of, "Let me get this straight. If your company ships your customer the WRONG PART it is the customer's responsibility to PAY MORE MONEY to have it returned to you?! That is ludicrous!"

She replied with, "Please hold." Cue the muzak.

About 15 minutes later someone else gets on the phone, who seemed to have the exact same voice, but she insisted she was a new person.

She said, "I need your VIN number." I said, "No you don't. I do not have to provide any more personal information to return a wrong part! Even if I had a dodge and wanted to order Toyota parts, that is my business. I should get what I ordered! Besides this is a WALL GUARD! It is not going to go on my car!" She replied with, "But we need your VIN number to investigate this." I replied, "No you don't." She replied with, "Please hold."

More muzak.

Finally she gets back on the phone. She asked me to email her a picture of the part I have. I did so while still talking to her on the phone. She saw it and said, "OK, we will reimburse shipping charges." I asked for that in writing. She emailed me with that while I was still on the phone.

Done deal.

Until last night I get this email:

Hello,

Due to the fact that the return shipping charges will exceed the cost of the item itself, we will not require you to return the item at this time. However, in order for us to process your credit without returning the product, we will need a few simple things from you.

1. Take a digital photo of the product undamaged.

2. Damage the part. (We know this part sounds strange, but the warehouse will issue instant full credit for non-returnable damaged products)

3. Take a digital photo of the damaged product.

4. E-mail both photos to us (undamaged and damaged) and we will get your credit pushed through without the hassle of returning the product.

Once you get a “credit approved” e-mail, you may dispose of the product as you see fit. If you have any questions regarding this procedure, please don't hesitate to contact us.

I'm thinking I should sell this part on Amazon and save myself some trouble.

Burning the midnight oil

Thursday was Gana's last day of school for the quarter. Wednesday evening he was studying for Thursday's exam and finishing up a paper due Friday, but that he wanted to turn in on Thursday when he went in for the exam. I went to bed about midnight. About two o'clock I woke up and saw him still working. Poor guy! At three o'clock I saw him still working. At 4:45am he came to bed and uttered the most brillant thing:

"Please wake me up early in the morning so I can study before the test."

I said, "Gana it IS early in the morning."

Kids Day Out!

This morning Gana woke up feeling very ambitious. He said, "Let's go to the Science Center!" Unfortunately, I had a meeting and couldn't go. That didn't stop him! He took Meg, Israel, Luc, Captain, and cousin Jael to the California Sceince Center.

They had a blast! Here's a taste:

Granted that is not exactly how the exhibit is supposed to work. But, I have never seen children use it the proper way. It's too fun to get dizzy and run in and out!

Here are some other highlights:

Missionaries To America

In 1997 I, Gana, came to America to be a missionary for a year with Teen Missions International. I joined a team of 11 other international missionaries and two leaders. We travelled on a bus to about 30 states.



Each week went sort of like this:



~Arrive Saturday evening in new town at a new church. Divide two-by-two and meet new host families.



~Sunday do presentations at churches. Presentations include multi-cultural singing and dancing, puppetry, testimonies and a sermon.



~Monday through Wednesday do presentions during the day at schools, prisons, and rest homes. Do presentations at churches in the evenings.



~Thursday put on an international banquet which raised awareness and money for missions in Third World countries.

(Me and Winai cooking Huushuur for the banquet.)

~Friday: Free day! Sightsee with host family and maybe catch up on laundry!

~Saturday go to a new town, new church and new host family.

In the summer the MTA's helped run the bootcamps in Florida for TMI.

It was an intense year to say the least! But it was a great year. These 12 young missionaries (some already pastors and business people in their own countries) serving the Lord bonded for life. Some we hear from often. Some just once in a while. But, I expect that when we're old and grey that we'll still be emailing each other and reliving those good times.

We talked today to one of the MTA's from Thailand. He saw the blog and said, "Hey, put us on there!" And so we did! They are all an important part of our life and story.

Left to right:

Kaluba from Zambia, Hadi from Indonesia, Samuela from Madagascar, Ada from Honduras, Ji from Korea, Coco from Bahamas, Nadia from Russia, Omar from Panama, Me, Dottie -- Native American, Winai from Thailand and Mauro from Brazil.

I miss you all! If any of you are reading this, please leave a comment!