The Vision

A few weekends ago I went on a ladies' retreat with my church. During a time of soaking prayer I had a beautiful vision that I feel led to share with you all. First of all, it was really challenging for me to begin soaking. I laid down and it was nothing like peaceful meditation. My thoughts were everywhere...except on the Lord. Finally, I quieted by heart. The next thing I knew tears were pouring down my face. I was in the presence of the Lord.

I saw myself walking through a field of grain, wearing a summer dress. I let my hands touch the grains and drift over the tops. I was walking towards Jesus who was facing me. Around me in the distance were people I admired, prophets, and pastors. All with their backs turned looking towards the mountains that surrounded the valley where I walked.

Around me were also children, lots of children--laughing, playing, running. Occasionally, I would pick up a child and walk a little ways with the child before setting him/her down. But my eyes always remained on Jesus. I did not hurry. I did not look away. My eyes were steadfastly on Him and I just contentedly walked.

As I walked I remembered all the great things those with their backs turned had prophesied over me and all the things I was expected to do. I did not do any of them. I just walked towards Jesus.

As I walked, my children all around me, laughing and playing, began to climb the mountains. As they climbed they grew. They stood on top of all the mountains surrounding my valley.

As I was seeing this scene Jesus whispered to me, "All you have to do is walk after me. That is the greatest work you could do. Your children will reach their destinies because you just follow me. Let them play and laugh. You just keep your eyes on me."

The peace I felt in this place was overwhelming. All the burdens to perform, to "do something", to achieve, to live up to man's expectations just fell away. Even now to think of it, all I sense is perfect peace.

Stop Trying So Hard People!

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."

Galatians 5:1

What does it mean to be a Christian? Brennan Manning once asked this question to a group of seniors at a Catholic College. "Their answers were so similar in content that I reduced them to a single paragraph that read: 'To be a Christians means that I must go to Mass on Sunday, I can't eat meat on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, I can't practice birth control, get a divorce, procure an abortion, or see an X-rated movie.' For many people in the church, Christianity is not the Good News. The Gospel is not the glad tidings of freedom and salvation proclaimed by Christ Jesus but a rigid code of do's and don't's, a tedious moralizing, a list of minimum requirements for avoiding the pains of hell." (Lion and Lamb, The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus)





A friend and I were recently discussing the compulsion to try to be better Christians. Why is it that Christianity seems to involve so much fleshly effort? There is a mutual friend that we'd both like to pick up and toss into the Holy Spirit's river so she can soak up some freedom! This dear lady always seems to be trying so hard and never measures up to her own standards.





For a while now Gana and my parenting philosophy has been not so much to conform behavior, but to win the heart. I remember Rich Mullins saying, "Don't be good. Be God's." Yet, so often even for myself I am just trying to be good, as if my goodness has any merit whatsoever. It's like I think God is going to really impressed with me if I behave a certain way.





Brennan Mannning again: "I believe Jesus calls all of us to let go of the desire to appear good, so that we can listen to the word within us and move in the mystery of who we are. The preoccupation with projecting the perfect image, of being a model Christian and edifying others with our virtues, leads to self-consciousness, sticky pedestal behavior, and bondage to human respect."

I don't believe that becoming a Christian is a call to work harder on our own righteousness. Instead, we are called to bear fruit. John 15:8, "My true disciples produce much fruit. This brings great glory to my Father." Ever see a tree bearing fruit? It does not TRY to bear fruit. It does not seemed stressed in trying to produce something useful. A tree bears fruit naturally when it has good roots. "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful apart from me." John 15:4

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in all the doing, that we forget about the being. We need to be connected to the Lord and He will produce the fruit of the Spirit in us. Instead of trying to remember a hundred different things on some heavenly to-do list in order to produce fruit, how about we worry about just one thing: Love Jesus. I mean, really love Him. St. Augustine said, "Love, and do what you like."

If we truly loved Him we could take a deep breath and stop fretting over whether or not we were in His will, whether or not we were on His good-list today, whether or not He was pleased with us.

Maybe my new mantra will be, "Stop trying so hard!"

More to come....

My young philosopher

My son, Israel, has some deep thoughts sometimes.

Tonight during our Advent devotions we were talking about the little town of Bethlehem, about Jesus being born, and about how Herod was fearful of Him and so ordered the babies to be killed.

Israel interrupts the devotion and says, "Mom, I have something I need to tell you. When God decides to make a baby, He creates the baby and puts the baby in the mother's tummy. And when He does He says His dreams for the baby, like, you know, 'You will be a great man' and stuff like that. But when someone goes to the doctor and has the baby killed--what's that called...um...oh yeah, abortion--they don't just kill a baby, they kill God's thoughts and dreams, too."

How tightly is too tightly to hug a kid?

United, God Will Increase

On Wednesday night I got a call from my sister, who called from church to say that my other sister, Serena, was in labor! So, I loaded up the kids at 9pm and drove to the Central Coast. I got to my parents house about 12:30. She was laboring there, looking more beautiful than I've ever seen a pregnant or laboring woman be. (Seriously, at that point in my pregnancies I looked like a train wreck!) A few hours later we were in hospital where Serena gave me my fourth nephew.

His name is Levi Joseph. Levi means United. Joseph means God will increase.

It's a fitting and prophetic name. That little boy has a destiny and a call for increase and unity.

There is something about a new baby....that tiny being and his courage to come out into the world and face the unknown. That little package holding an eternity of hope and promise for the future. That indescribable blessing. I always feel humbled by new babies. It's as if they have all the depth of all the riches of heaven, we just aren't able to draw it out. The way we gain access to it is by loving and caring for them. They are our teachers, our mentors, even while they depend on us for natural survival. It's complicated and yet the simplest thing in the world. It's natural and spiritual. It's energizing and exhausting. It's God's will wrapped in a baby blue blanket.

Dr. Monroy and the Abdelaziz children

Lovin' on, prayin' for, and prophecying over my newest cuddles.

Nana and grandbaby number 10.

Grammie (Serena's mom) drove from Yuma and got to the hospital right after he was born.

Meg--the oldest grandchild, and Levi--the youngest

(Somehow I have pictures of everyone holding him, except his parents!)

"Oh, the depth of the riches both of
the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways
past finding out!" Romans 11:33

My Personal Staircase to Heaven

There are eighteen rather steep and slightly dangerous steps leading up to our back entrance—the entrance that leads to where we park our car. Ascending the stairs is not unlike scaling a small mountain, except that there is no oxygen offered at the top only a door with a sticky lock.

This morning we had a homeschool co-op planning meeting. So, I instructed all the children to put their shoes on. Carrying the diaper bag, the sling and the baby I descended the stairs, went to the car and unloaded everything and the baby. I climbed back up the stairs, locked the back door and carried Caesar down the stairs. After making sure everyone was properly buckled in car seats and boosters I started the car. I then remembered that I had forgotten some books I needed for the meeting. I ascended the stairs, fought with the lock, got the books and descended the stairs.

Upon arriving back at home several hours and five sweaty and rather sandy (thanks to the playground they made ample use of during the meeting) children later I carried the baby back up the stairs, fought with the lock and placed him in the co-sleeper. Then I descended the stairs and took a sleeping Caesar from the car and carried him up the stairs. Deposited him in his crib. Made PB&J for lunch.

A couple hours later it was time for soccer. I carried the baby and Caesar down the stairs at the same time, giving the diaper bag, water jug, and picnic blanket to the older children.

At the end of soccer Gana took the two eldest swimming for the soccer camp pool party. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home. Then I carried Caesar and two jugs of milk up the stairs. Fought with the lock. Went back down the stairs and got the baby and the diaper bag and ascended the stairs again.

[Breaking a sweat just retelling this. Note to self: get a personal trainer.]

One hour later carried Ihbeleg and Caesar back down the stairs to the car. I had to pick up the kids from the pool because Gana had met us there in his car and there is not a back seat for the children. Drove home with five children. Carried Caesar and Ihbeleg back up the stairs. Fought with lock.

Collapsed in a heap? Nope. Made dinner, gave baths, tidied kids’ rooms, typed an invoice, emailed childbirth class students, bandaged a skinned knee, then sat on the couch with a cup of tea and the TV remote. Reminds me that there is another good use for TV. To help one forget the 234 steps climbed while carrying a linebacker toddler, his little brother, the diaper bag, school books, and groceries.

[Is it any wonder I’ve just about lost the 65 pounds I put on during pregnancy?]

My children are worth it, though. Even at the end of the day when my legs are now feeling like lead weights, I wouldn't change today. We had fun together. I got to see Meg score a goal. I got to help plan what looks like a fantastic homeschooling year with our new co-op. My children made new friends, (one who Israel says is named Janeequa, but she's white, so I'm not sure). We laughed a lot. We played a lot. We learned some lessons (such as a box of grits when shaken not only makes a soft percussion instrument, it also causes it to snow indoors).

Step by step the Lord is leading me and helping me daily to be a better parent, but more importantly a better person. Step-by-step times 18 times 13 trips. Each time I think, "This is exhausting." Followed by "This is worth it." Worth it for the sake of the fabulous five, yes. But, also worth it because my own character is being conformed to the image of Christ.

It seems that the Lord is tenderly leading me these days. True to His Word of course. Isaiah 40:11, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."

What a lovely visual....

I am being gently led.....

Not forced....

Not coerced....

Just showed the stairs and the Lord says, "Take another step. It's worth it."

People Pleasing

You know, I think one can learn a lot from criticism if one takes the time to consider the source and is willing to take a long hard honest look at oneself.

Recently we were fairly harshly criticized for our parenting. In essence we were told we were bad parents. In addition to that the children of the criticizers are not allowed to socialize with my children outside obligatory functions because my kids are a “bad influence.”

Let me tell you, I still have not completely recovered from hearing this. It literally took my breath away. I was so hurt and cried a good long cry.

It is true that our parenting style is different from others. We are striving to raise our children the way God is leading us. We are constantly looking for revelation into how God parents us and using that as insight into how we can parent our children.

So, my parenting philosophy (which I’ve been meaning to blog about for a while—I’ll get to it soon) was not shaken. But, my feelings were hurt. Really hurt. Was I more hurt for what was said against me or for what was said against my kids….ah, that was the question!

When I was able to step back a bit, I asked myself WHY this criticism bothered me so much. The Lord used this incident to show me that I’m still a people pleaser.

OUCH! I thought I’d worked my people pleasing out already. I thought I’d settled that issue long ago before the Lord. Alas, I have not.

I care deeply what other people think of me. I want to be acceptable in the eyes of others. If others look down on me or try to put me down, I get defensive. I want people to think that I am great, clever, talented, a good driver, pretty. I want to be the one who has it all together. It may be a façade, but I still want people to think it. Yes, I am that shallow.

All the while, I know that I am fairly average looking, with only moderate intelligence (thankfully I’ve been gifted with some common sense to compensate!). I know, though I generally don’t let it be known, that I blog when I should be cleaning my desk, I sleep late when I should be up spending time with God, I give my children cold cereal for breakfast even though it’s pretty much void of sustaining nutrition.

There ya go, folks. I’m letting my guard down. I’m being genuine. Once again I’m attempting a fatal wound to my compulsive people pleasing!

In the end, I know full well, that it doesn’t matter what you think of me. It matters only what God thinks of me. It doesn’t truly matter where I am now in my walk, what matters is which direction I’m heading and that I’m not standing still.

The speaker at church this morning, Charles Stock, said, “Our transformation is not based on how hard we work, but by how intently we behold Him.” (II Corinthians 3:18)

The Lord brought me to this verse: “Blessed are you when they….say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven…” Matthew 5:11-12

The Message says it this way: "Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.”

My goal is to live afresh for the Audience (God and the great cloud of witnesses in heaven) and not for the critics.

Take that People Pleasing!

God Has A Ridiculous Plan For Your Life

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

What a wonderful Scripture! It’s quoted so often when trying to explain that “God has a wonderful plan for your life.” It’s true enough, I suppose, that God has a wonderful plan for my life and for your life. Although, I don’t think the plan is as obvious as we think it is or as practical as we think it should be. It would seem like a no-brainer that I should be on the mission field living in a hut. And yet I’m sitting at my computer desk in Atascadero and driving a mini-van.

“Notice God's unutterable waste of saints, according to the judgment of the world. God plants His saints in the most useless places. We say - God intends me to be here because I am so useful. Jesus never estimated His life along the line of the greatest use. God puts His saints where they will glorify Him, and we are no judges at all of where that is.” (Oswald Chambers)

I think perhaps it would be more truthful to tell people, “God has a ridiculous plan for your life.” Then at least they know what they getting into if they say “yes” to the will of God. At least we could be upfront with people by telling them that following God will mean doing goofy things from time-to-time that defy all logic and reason. Following God will mean putting aside your talents in order to do something at which you may feel completely inept. Following God may just mean looking foolish in the eyes of your family and friends. But, also following God will mean that where we are weakest He is strong, because God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the mighty and the foolish things of the world to confound the wise.

Prince Guneratnum, a pastor from Malaysia, says, “If you are willing to do the ridiculous, God is ready to do the impossible!” Yes, God does indeed have some ridiculous plans!

Imagine building a humungous boat no where near the ocean, all the while being mocked by your neighbors. Noah was willing to do the ridiculous.

Imagine seeing the Savior walking on the water and having the nerve to say, “If it is you, bid me to come to you.” And the Savior didn't reply, “Swim on out” or “Grab a surf board and paddle your way to me.” When the Savior said, “Come!” why didn’t Peter unhitch the life boat and float on over? God had a ridiculous plan for Peter’s life.

Imagine being outnumbered and out-muscled by a city with high walls. Those behind the walls mocked the children of Israel. But, led by Joshua, who clearly had God’s ridiculous plan in mind, the people silently marched around the city, believing the walls would come down if they obeyed.

Imagine the prophet Elisha telling a man his leprosy will be healed if he washed seven times in some dirty body of water. Naaman was willing to do the ridiculous and he saw the miraculous.

It seems to me that most of the plans of God are neither logical nor practical. They are ridiculous, unimaginable, whimsical, off-the-wall and off-the-charts. We may as well get used to it.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

God's Will For Me

(Here's something I wrote a few years ago. I came across it and as it turns out, it's just what I needed to hear!)

Have you ever been in the place where you were questioning God's will for your life? Ever want to demand from the Lord, "So, what's the point of this?!" Oh, I have, even as recently as last night! And I've come to one concrete conclusion:

"In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." I Thessalonians 5:18

God's will for me is that I am thankful in everything. What if that's the whole point of this whole thing called life--that I learn to have a heart of thankfulness? What if each trial, each joy, each up and each down, each victory and each defeat is only to serve to point my eyes to Jesus and to say, "Thank you!"? If this were true, I could quit worrying over each decision or crying over each offense. I could with each day simply lift up my eyes and stare into the face of Jesus and say, "Thank you even for this!" I could make choices with more freedom, take more risks, laugh more often, cry less bitterly, worship with more abandon, and love more deeply. I could not worry so much about whether or not I'll get hurt--because even if I do, I can be grateful for the experience.

The Bible is quite clear that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of Lights with whom there is no shadow or turning. And the Bible is quite clear that God will withhold no good thing from those who walk uprightly. Well then, can I say of each thing that comes my way (whether a work of Satan or of God) that I am thankful for how it turns my eyes to Jesus? If each episode turns my eyes to Him then it's not wasted and Satan is impotent!

"So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

Doing a quick mental count, I think I've lived almost 9500 days. And if I live until I'm 70, I'll rack up almost 26,000. That's a lot of days. And how many have I wasted with the questions of "Why me?" "Why this?" and "When will this be over?" When the simple answer to each question is to turn my eyes to Jesus--let the things of this world grow dim! Truly there is a lot for which I can be thankful in each day and even each minute.

Even as I write this I'm sipping a Hazelnut Cappuccino and listening to the most beautiful worship music. My children are all sleeping peacefully at the same time--no small miracle. And I'm writing to some of the most wonderful women I know. I am thankful--my heart is overflowing with a good theme....(Psalm 45:1)

I've stumbled upon the key to living each numbered day: "Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first time or the last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory." (Betty Smith)

Love,
Lady Daja

PS Someone please save this devotion and send it back to me when I get discouraged! *smile*

Want to be used by God?

I hear people so often expressing how they want to be used by God. I’ve heard it prayed very often. And I confess, I’ve prayed it myself! It’s a nice idea that God can use people……then again….God can use anything. Even a donkey prophesied in the Old Testament.

I don’t know who wrote this, but I always like it:

The next time you feel like G0D can't use you, just remember...

"Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah was too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious and
Lazarus was dead!"

God can use ANYONE! It’s nothing to brag about that God can use you. A lot of people that God used were not very nice people.

What is really something is that even if God never chooses to use me, HE WANTS ME!

In my opinion it’s a much better thing to be wanted by God. Mark 3:13 “Jesus went up on a mountainside and called to him those he wanted, and they came to him.”

I can make great sacrifices for God and make quite a showing of it. Yet, God really wants my heart… “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:16-17

And what could be better than wanting someone and that someone wanting you back?!