Top 10 Worst Last Minute Christmas Gifts

Just in case you haven't finished your Christmas shopping, I've compiled a list of last minute gifts you might want to consider.

1. The Electric Drink Caddie: "The perfectly discreet way to enjoy hot or cold drinks right from your golf bag. It looks like a regulation driver, but its secret is the one-button dispensing pump."

I want to know where the drink in the picture got the ice? Are there any ice cubes that look like regulation golf balls that we can sneak in, too? Oh, snap! I just found some. Now the gift set can be complete!

Tell me the other guys on the course would not give you a major wedgie if you showed up with this stupid thing. Be a man. Carry a flask.

2. This clever site will give you most everything you need to host an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party, which will make you the happenin'-est place on your block! They'll provide the ugly sweaters, you provide the rum.

This little beauty is called "Red Rover Red Rover Send Frosty On Over."

3. According to a recent CNN poll, 61% of America opposes the president's health care reform. I guess, according to this bumper sticker, the majority of us are not American.

4. This shirt comes in 3XL. Not much more I can say about that.

5. For the less than 50% of the country that still approve of the job Obama is doing, here is a shirt to feed your hero worship. But, like Superman, Super Politician is a fantasy.

6. I'm not posting a picture of the product because it involves undie-clad backsides. You've heard of push-up bras? This can give your baby back! (As in "baby's got serious back".) You could achieve similar results by stuffing some socks in the back of your jeans, but I think that is false advertising. (If you wish to see the product in action, click on the slogan below.)

7. A Three-in-one Softie Wrap. Better than a Snuggie, which is essentially a bathrobe worn backwards, this is a sleeping bag with sleeves.

8. A GoateeSaver. Can this double as a muzzle?

9. Mudflap Man from Sticker Giant. If you call yourself a feminist, you need to put these on the back of your car N.O.W.

10. Nothing says, "I love you just the way you are" like giving your man a do-it-yourself electric back hair shaver from Mangroomer.com. The least you could do is shave it for him.

The Audacity of Hops

What we can learn from Obama's Beer Summit, in top ten format:

10. Apparently, it's OK to drink during work hours.

9. The way to solve racial problems is to invite people over to drink with you. (If only we knew it were that easy! All that wasted work in the civil rights movement!)

8. A racial conflict of this sort comes in very handy when one's health care bill is getting bad press. Diversion is very convenient in saving bad legislation.

7. It's NOT OK to be racist. It is totally OK to be sexist. (Notice that Lucia Whalen didn't get invited to have a drink with the President.)

6. The White House has nothing better to do that to issue press releases about what kind of beer each man ordered. The President was going to have a Budweiser. Then later the White House issued a revision; the President would have a Bud Light. The Professor would have a Red Stripe or maybe a Beck. The police officer would have a Blue Moon, which apparently is not "Joe-Six-Pack" enough for some people. I guess if you're a police officer you're not supposed to request a microbrew.

5. Apparently no one gives a rodent's backside about what kind of beer Vice-President Biden drank.

4. Vice-President Biden really likes peanuts.

3. The President is never wrong, he just "could have calibrated" his words better.

2. To quote Joan Walsh on Hardball: "Obama got to where he was, in my opinion, largely because he makes white people feel like he knows we're all trying really hard and we really like it when black people make us feel that way." And that's not a bit racist.

1. The President of the United States is a great multi-tasker. While single-handedly saving the global economy, sorting things out in the Middle East, standing up to North Korea and administrating two wars he has time to meddle in the affairs of private citizens.

And on that note, how 'bout a beer?

Gana's Top Ten for Husbands Coaching Their Wives in Labor

The Coach's role is really important! Get out of your head (husbands and wives!) that men don't have much to do with labor.

It's really simple:

1. Be a little more sensitive than you are in your daily life.

2. Give relaxing massages...even if you have to do so for hours.

3. If you can cook, do it! (And clean up your mess.)

4. If you are smart, let your mother-in-law come help you! Sometimes a woman can do things that men cannot do--especially an older woman who has gone through all this on her own already. If your wife wants her mother, don't have your feelings hurt. Let her have her mom. This will make things easier for you and make your wife happy.

5. Be patient with the moods of your wife. Remind yourself that even she is not in control of her emotions. Be extra mindful of what she is going through. She is not trying to be unreasonable, but the process of labor does not let her be in control.

6. Labor is temporary. Whatever you have to go through, you can. It will be over soon.

7. If you are going to birth at the hospital, as a coach you MUST familiarize yourself with all the hospital procedures and possibilities. Do your homework on things like the childbirth drugs, prepping procedures, etc. If they say, "We are going to give X to your wife." Know what they are talking about (the benefits and risks!) so you can be her advocate!!! Never forget that YOU are in charge. The doctor/nurse/hospital is not in charge. They work for you and your wife and not the other way around.

8. Regardless of where you are birthing, remember that as much research and preparation as your wife has done, in labor she very well may forget what she is supposed to do. It's up to YOU to remind her--even the simple things like drinking water, going to the bathroom, relaxing, etc. Regardless of where you birth and who is attending the birth, you as the coach should know what labor will be like. Review the emotional signposts and physical sights and sounds of labor. Be familiar with what normal labor is like.

9. Especially for you first-timers: Coach, if you get a chance to rest, REST. Eat. Take a rest. Take care of yourself. You don't know how long this labor will be. So, be mindful of what you need in order to be what your wife needs.

10. Be Calm! Don't get too excited. Be calm for your wife's sake. She might feel completely out of control. She will look to you to be a steady presence to keep her focused and relaxed during labor. Be encouraging to your wife. Tell her often throughout labor (there's no such thing as too much) how great she is doing, how she's making it look easy, how you are proud of her, etc. Emotional support is as important and sometimes more important than physical support.

And if you can.....

Catch your own baby! When you are holding that baby, open your heart. Now you don't have to be calm. Now is the time to be emotional and excited.

Top 10 Reasons We Will Not Be Voting For Obama

(Not necessarily in order of importance.)



10. We are not racists.

As I quoted in this post about Gana: He's not allowed to vote, yet. Still not a citizen. But, he said he would never vote for Obama. One of his professors at Fuller was oozing praise for Obama because it would be so historic to have the first black president. Gana raised his hand and said, "If that's the reason, I think I'll vote for Jackie Chan." Yep, that's my husband for you. He's not afraid to speak the truth. And the class erupted in laughter--clearly getting the point.

For years Obama was part of a church that espouses Black Liberation Theology and Afro-centrism. Afro-centrism is based on a work called, "Superiority Of The Blacks To The Whites" by Al-Jahiz. (Obama's church's bookstore has a whole section exploring Afro-centrism.) And this theology is what Obama had for spiritual food for 20+ years.

And for those that don't know me in real life, these are my parents:

I'm a black latina, among a bunch of other things. So, don't assume that minorities side with Obama or that all black people are Democrats.

9. We are a one-income family with a stay-at-home-mom.

Therefore we are totally against a tax on stay-at-home-moms!

8. We are not friendly with terrorists.



7. We are pro-life.

Obama is the most anti-life candidate we have ever had running for president! Click here or here. And did you know that he supports the Death Penalty for non-capital crimes? (But he does not support it for gang activity because that would punish a disproportionate number of men of color. See number 10. )

6. We already have a Messiah.



5. We don't need someone to reframe the issues for us.

We like to choose our own radio stations and news networks. We don't need an elected official to tell us which ones are good.



4. We are not socialists.

Listen to the socialist rhetoric!





3. We support our military (both American and Mongolian troops, remember.)

Obama said that in Afghanistan we were "...just air-raiding villages and killing civilians."


2. We speak English.

In June 2007, Obama voted against making English the official language of the U.S. Government.

Que?

(Read it here.)

1. We have to stand for what is right.

It's getting uncomfortable to talk politics these days. So many people are saying, "I'm not going to go there." But the issues of this election are not just political and rhetorical. They are ethical and foundational. If you don't like all the political blogging, I hope you like pictures of our cute kids and our sense of humor enough to keep coming back. The elections will be over in a few weeks. The issues, however, will remain.

When it comes right down to it, the opinions of the masses mean nothing to us.

"When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle." (Edmund Burke)


"Do not join a crowd that intends to do evil. When you are on the witness stand, do not be swayed in your testimony by the opinion of the majority. " Exodus 23:2

The Ten Most Influential Women.....in my life, at least!

Been thinking about People Magazine's 100 most beautiful people or Time's Man of the Year. I thought it would be nice to honor the most influential women in my life. These are in no particular order, mind you. That would be TOO difficult!

10. Gogoormaa, my mother-in-law.

She makes the list because she gave life to and raised my husband. And we all know one should never under-estimate the influence of a mother! She's a very generous person. She is an example to me of faithfulness. She and my father-in-law (who went to be with the Lord a year before I met Gana) did not have a perfect marriage and they didn't have the Lord to lean on either. And yet she remained faithful. And to this day keeps his picture in a place of honor in her home.

Oh, and she makes really good huurshuur.

9. Brenda Capps, my midwife.

Our relationship was truly a Godsend. An acquaintance of mine gave me her name, along with about five others, as someone who did home births. We prayed over the list of names and called her. That was almost seven years ago. She was the one who suggested I take the Bradley Method of childbirth classes. She has been there for four of my five births (Luc was born in Mongolia). She was the calm presence when I started bleeding heavily while pregnant with Israel. She was the voice of confidence when I said, "I can't do this!" in labor. She has imparted faith to me--faith in God and in the process of birth.

8. Grandma Jones.

Her name is Martha, but I don't know anyone who calls her that. She is Grandma to everyone--friends, neighbors, church members, and family. She taught me how to crochet and embroider. She taught me how to roast chilies. She makes the best snickerdoodles in the world. But, her influence runs deeper than these things. She knows what commitment means. She walks it everyday as she looks after my aging grandfather. My grandfather has needed care for decades now, but his needs are growing everyday. When my grandma said, "I do" she meant it. She not only models marital commitment to me, but Christian commitment, too. She stuck with the same church for over thirty years, through good times and bad. She pays her tithes first and faithfully, always has. She is consistent in her life.

7. Mary Beth, my best friend.

I know how blessed I am. I have had the same best friend since I was 13. Lest you think we achieved this because we are so alike, you are mistaken. Sure, we have a lot in common, but we are also very different. Somehow though, we found in one another a kindred spirit (to borrow from Anne of Green Gables). In Mary Beth I have learned what true acceptance means. I have learned grace and tolerance and trust. I live in L.A. now and she lives in Canada. But, our friendship is irreplaceable. We our bound with bonds strong enough to reach across the miles. I miss her more than I can say. Sometimes I sit with my tea and wish she was sitting across the table from me. As much as I love tea time, tea does taste better accompanied by friendship.

6. Pastor Sue Ahn, my current pastor.

I've known her only a short amount of time and I don't think she reads this blog. But, I see in her qualities I want to see in my own life. Being a pastor's wife in a big church, somehow from about our second Sunday she had all the names in our family memorized! When talking to Pastor Sue I get the impression that what I have to say is really important to her, she gives each person her full attention. That can't be easy to let that come across when being pulled in so many directions and when so many people are vying for your time. She loves her family and loves the Church. In her I'm learning how to walk in my own anointing and support my husband at the same time.

5. Serena, my sister-in-law.

I always hoped my brother would marry someone that I could stand. He did better than that. He married someone I love. Serena teaches me that family really does come first. She flew to Mongolia while pregnant herself just to be with me when I was having Luc. She has been there for all my births and that's saying something! She's not afraid of her own convictions and that is becoming more and more rare in our day.

Not to mention she's got drop-dead-gorgeous children.

4. Jennifer Johnson, my long distance buddy.

Jenn and I met in 1996 when we both served on a Teen Missions team to Pakistan. Who would have dreamed that 11 years later we would still be friends. Although we don't get to see one another often and months can go by between communications, we are always able to pick up right where we left off. She makes me laugh. She challenges me to encounter Jesus in ways that are outside my little religious box. And she's passionate. She lives life on purpose.

3. Jenee O'Carroll, my grown-up friend.

I don't have any childhood memories with Jenee. She is the first close friend I made as an adult. Together we've shared pregnancies, births, and child raising. I breastfed her baby once when she was being a doula at a birth that took too long, but was too shy to tell her so until she fessed up that she had breastfed one of mine when I was at a wedding that took too long. She is one that I can go to to cry when I've had a spat with Gana or when I had a positive pregnancy test that took me by surprise. I know I will never face judgement, but will receive grace and understanding.

2. Sarah-Kate, aka Sweepea.

My sister defies description. She's fiercely loyal. She's beautiful. She's funny. She's creative. She sends me emails to correct typos in the blog. She makes up strange names for my children. We share more inside jokes than we can count and if I were to try it would be incredibly annoying to her. She despises cliche's embroidered on pillows and emblazoned on coffee mugs. People might think they have her figured out, but she's a mystery that they never will fully understand. She likes fashion, but is not high-maintenance. She's a princess through and through, but will buy food and take it to homeless people she knows by name on the street. She takes the Lord at His Word yet isn't afraid to have it out with Him when she feels an injustice has been done. In my sister I learn fascinating womanhood.

Oh, and she has the smartest son and is going to give me some more little "Goldens" in February.

1. Dorothy, my mom.

How great is it that my mom is also one of my dearest friends?! She makes me laugh, she makes me cry. She sees through me, but doesn't make sport of my weaknesses. She pulls me up when I'm down and takes my side when I feel alone. We like the same movies, books, and shows. We would pick the same restaurants when going out and our ballots on voting day are probably identical. When something bothersome happens or when something fantastic takes place, the first person I want to call is my mother. She goes the second mile to be a good mom and a good friend. It's not a combination you see often. She teaches me how to walk in the Spirit of the law.

She also taught me not to wear white shoes after labor day.

There you have it folks! Ten of the best women on this planet. I hope you know at least some of these women, because just knowing them will change your life for the better!

Here's to strong, bold, passionate, funny, faithful, virtuous, and compassionate women! These women are the reason I'm not in therapy.