What do all these couples have in common?

Amaa and Dolgor

Bob and Molly Keulen

David and Heather Knifton

Hank & Breezy Palan

Daniel & Genevieve Gillogley

Dr. Joel and Sarah-Kate Correa

Josh and Serena Abdelaziz

Gana and Daja Gombojav

Give up?

They all had their first kiss as a couple on their wedding day!

And I know many others whose pictures I wasn't able to collect. This topic was particularly on my mind lately because some Christian sex therapists were guest speakers at Fuller. A question was asked what they thought about the "saving kissing until marriage phenomenon." They, along with the professor on hand, agreed that it was "destructive for couples" and in essence would lead to sexual problems later on in their marriage. They said that saving kissing until marriage was no guarantee that one would have a great sex life and that saving that first kiss was something that couples use to hide their fear of intimacy. These conclusions come from supposedly counselling couples who have saved their kiss and later experienced difficulties in their sexual relationships.

Where to start, where to start?!

First of all, let me say unequivocally, that I do not believe that there is a Biblical command not to kiss until you are married. I am not adding any verses to the Bible nor saying that kissing before marriage is a sin. So, just wipe those arguments right off the slate.

Let's break this down using a little logic. The reasoning the professors gave was that some couples have come for counselling who had intimacy issues who had also saved their first kiss.

This is inductive reasoning at its worst!

(An inductive argument, if strong, brings a conclusion that is only probably true. For example: Greeks eat a lot of fish. Socrates was Greek. So, Socrates ate a lot of fish.)

Yes, it is true that waiting until the wedding is not a guarantee that one's sex life will be great. Just like waiting to drink until you're is 21 years old will not guarantee that you will not be an alcoholic. But, does that necessarily lead to the conclusion that there is no value in waiting?

A more logical look at it would be for those sex therapists to look at all their patients. How many were in some way sexually active before marriage and how many saved it all for the wedding? Now adjust the conclusion accordingly.

In all my years of church-life and ministry (and I've been in the Church all my life), I have never heard a testimony in which someone said, "You know, I really regret that I didn't kiss more people before I got married." Who has ever said, "I wish I would have been more sexually active."

And before anyone says, "Wait! Kissing is not sexual." let's be honest. It is. I'm not saying it is bad. I'm just saying that it is sexual. If it was not, why would it not be OK if I was kissing the man who lived next door. I think my husband might have a little problem with that. It would be called CHEATING! Why would it be cheating if it wasn't sexual?

From Catholic Answers: "I used to take for granted that everyone knew that French kissing is sexually arousing, especially for a guy. But I have met women who act surprised when they find out that a man is sexually aroused by passionate kissing (or before then). French kissing is deeply unitive, since the penetration of one person into another is part of becoming one with him or her physically. This passionate kissing tells a man’s body that it should prepare for intercourse, and when a man is aroused, generally he is not satisfied until he is relieved."

Is it possible that someone might actually regret kissing someone, even if they end up married? I ran across this very candid testimony called, "I Regret Kissing My Wife." In it the author writes, "It's hard to put a finger on it. Maybe it's because I kissed her just like I did all the others I had kissed, for mere pleasure, not knowing she would be my wife. Maybe it's the familiarity I had with her on the wedding day, which meant our first kiss as husband and wife was just that, familiar. Maybe it's because that familiarity affected my view of kissing, seeing it only as a means to an end, when it is so much more. Maybe, most of all, it is because my precious wife looks back with these same regrets too."

I have a unique perspective from a lot of people. My husband is the only man I have ever kissed. I truly can't imagine that having kissed others would make our relationship any better.

Sure, it was a choice we made that God may not call everyone to make. But, it was beautiful and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Interesting pondering today of all days. Today is the eighth year anniversary of my first kiss. It was about this time of day, eight years ago, that my dad said, "You may kiss the bride." If you could see me right now you would see a silly grin on my face as I fondly remember that moment. It was followed by some high-fives and hugs by the wedding party. What a great moment!

Happy Anniversary, Gana! I love your kisses!